why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
