so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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