trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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