last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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