I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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