don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
