that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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