I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
