I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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