no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
