While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize