Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
