when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
