I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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