if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
