i already hear my dad disowning me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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