Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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