I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
