Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
