I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
