Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
