Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
