when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
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Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
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So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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