Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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