Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize