Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
