i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
