i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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