they need to just BURY HIM!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
