oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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