His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
