So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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