I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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