Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
