He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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