I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
