I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
