I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No more Irish car bombs ever.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
