So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
