Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
