i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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