I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
