Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
