just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
