Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
