We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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