You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So apparently I’m into choking now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
