Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
