Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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