life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
