It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
