Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
