Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
