I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
