My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
