If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
