nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
