I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
