just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
