Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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