Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
