I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
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I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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