I accidentally had phone sex last night
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
