remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
