i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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