And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
