this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
