btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
