Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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