I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
