I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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