I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
