hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize