maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
