There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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