one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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