wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
