Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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