it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
