take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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