we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
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u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
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I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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